I'll Live My Life
by Postquam est
Summary: What happens when suddenly, life is put in perspective... and you can't figure out if you wasted it or not? Oneshot, based on a song, but I'm not telling which song until the end.


_A small girl with teal hair interlaced her fingers with those of another girl's, one with pink hair. Giggling, she began to skip, urging her friend to join in._

_"I'm going to a birthday party~!" the teal-haired girl sang._

_"Miku, it's your own party!" the pink-haired girl cried, laughing happily._

_"Yeah, and I'm turning six~!"_

My hand. Pressing against my forehead in desperation. It's hurting. Not the pressure. The memories.

_"Guess what? My mom bought a new car," Miku told her friend excitedly._

_"Really? Is it pretty? I wanna see it!" The pink-haired girl jumped up and down._

The ringing in my ears won't stop. If it ended now, I might be relieved. But it won't. Not the ringing. Not the memories. Not my life...

_"Stay away! I have the itchy disease!" Miku warned. She seemed to dance around as she walked, scratching at any exposed skin._

_"I feel itchy too!" the pink-haired girl panicked and started to scratch her arms frantically._

_"But you can't stop paying attention and step on the cracks in the sidewalk!" Miku pointed out, revealing the reason behind her erratic steps._

There's something wrong with me. I can't think straight. I can't remember anything, just everything. If I just stopped thinking and went to sleep, I might be peaceful. Oh, such an impossibility...

_"Smile, silly!" Miku poked her friend, while facing straight ahead with a smile plastered on her face. "This is the END OF THE YEAR FOURTH GRADE CLASS PICTURE," she hissed through her smile, trying to sound official. "If you ruin this, you'll remember forever!"_

_"How do you know?" the pink-haired girl asked. "The only thing I want to remember forever is you!" she asserted, looking over at Miku._

_"I hope you were smiling, because they just took the picture!"_

That picture. It's somewhere. I don't have it. I don't have her. I don't know her name. I don't know who she is. I don't know where she is. I don't know what happened to her. It hurts...

_"Do you come to the beach often?" a blonde-haired girl asked._

_"I...I guess so," Miku said shyly. "I mean, I like the beach." She glanced over at the girl's brother, who had been watching her silently. "I don't live far from here."_

_"What a coincidence!" the blonde-haired girl exclaimed happily. "Me neither! How old are you?"_

_"I turned ten in the spring."_

_"Oh! Why haven't I seen you at school? I'm only a year younger than you," the girl said with a nod._

_Miku hesitated. "I moved here as soon as school ended last week. I used to live far away," she said, her eyes growing sad as she dropped her gaze._

These memories. These are the ones I've remembered before. The first part of my life...I had forgotten. Why I remembered it just a few minutes ago, I don't know...

_"Miku! Come out to play!"_

_Miku arrived at the door with a small smile on her face. She grinned at the two blonde-haired siblings._

_"We're going to the park today, can you come with us?" the blonde-haired girl asked._

_Miku's eyes reflected the shock she felt. "Your mom is going to let you go by yourself today?"_

_The girl laughed cheerfully. "No, we snuck out of the house. The park is only down the street, after all."_

_Miku tilted her head. "Welllll..." she considered the options. "I guess so," she said with a nod and a smile._

Stupid. That's what I was. I sometimes wonder how much I can hate myself. The more these memories come back, the more I realize I've changed. I don't hate myself. I hate change. It's ironic...

_"Has your mom found out yet?" Miku whispered as she propped her chin on her hands, lying on her stomach in a sleeping bag._

_"Relax," the blonde-haired girl assured her. "Just because he's here," she stopped to motion towards her brother, "doesn't mean we should be kept from having sleepovers. My mom won't find out."_

_Miku laughed quietly. The three friends were all in sleeping bags. The clock showed a time well after midnight. The window to the blonde-haired siblings' room had been carefully closed and locked._

_"How does it feel to have finished sixth grade?" the blonde-haired girl asked curiously. "I remember when the sixth graders seemed so big. But now you just finished sixth grade. You're almost a teenager! And I'll be there soon!"_

The biggest change. It's not becoming a teenager, or getting a boyfriend, or going to highschool, or graduating. The biggest change...ends all other changes...

_"C'mon, we're ditching school," Miku said firmly, grabbing the blonde-haired boy's wrist and dragging him away from the sidewalk to the middle school._

_"But it _is_ the first day!" he protested. "It's already bad enough that my sister's sick. I can't miss school too!"_

_"Hey, I was in seventh grade last year, remember? It's not that exciting. It's actually pretty boring. If you come in a day late, everyone will think you're daring. If you mom finds out, just tell her you forgot it was the first day of school and already had a date with me planned."_

_The boy stopped abruptly. Miku turned to see why he stopped. He looked at her with questioning eyes. "...What?" he asked._

_A blush spread across Miku's cheeks, and she smiled coyly. "I said you should ask me on a date, that's what," she said._

_"Don't you have to like-like someone to take them on a date?" the boy asked, frowning slightly._

_Miku's smile faltered. "You don't...like me? I mean I-I like you..."_

_The blonde broke into a grin. "I like you too," he said somewhat shyly._

_Miku recovered her smile and hugged the boy. "So, then, our date."_

It's not that difficult to remember that time. If only it was a pleasant memory. There are warm feelings attached to it...but even warm feelings turn cold when you leave them out too long...

_"Hey, what's your name?" a boy with blue hair asked with raised eyebrows._

_"Miku," the subject of the question replied concisely, trying to ignore the guy who was currently distracting her from eating lunch in peace. Not that there was any peace in the highschool's cafeteria._

_"You know," the boy said thoughtfully. "I've been watching you ever since school started, for about a week now-"_

_"Way to be a creeper," Miku mumbled._

_"...And I've noticed something important," he finished seriously._

_Miku sighed. "And what would that be?"_

_The boy grinned. "You're cute."_

_"Hey, don't get any ideas, buddy. I have a boyfriend."_

_"Oh? Where is he?" the boy asked, once again raising his eyebrows._

_"He's still in eighth grade," Miku replied matter-of-factly. "But I live close to him, so I still see him a lot," she added, eyeing the boy that now had completely stolen her attention._

The memories aren't so random anymore. But I don't know why these are the only things I'm remembering. It seems like a waste of my precious time. But then, I guess the time I spent making these memories was also wasted...

_"How is tenth grade treating you so far?" the boy with blue hair asked in a condescending tone, a teasing grin ever present on his face._

_Miku pushed him away. "I'm already smarter than you'll ever be," she teased back._

_"Geez, way to hurt my feelings. Are you ready for the test on Wednesday?" he asked, changing the subject._

_Miku sighed. "Don't be stupid. It's only the second week of school, and you're not even in my grade."_

_"Oh right, so I guess you can't help me study last minute, then, because I forgot to..." he said grinning sheepishly._

_"No, and I'm not going to be late to class again because you sucked me into your conversations," Miku said, turning to go towards her own classroom._

_"Yeah, that's fine. Just go ahead and ignore your best friend ever," the boy called after her._

_Miku had to laugh. "I will!" she answered over her shoulder. _

A minute. That's how long ago I had a different opinion. But I realized, in that minute, that I was one minute closer. One minute, and it wasn't wasted. It couldn't be wasted. None of my minutes have been wasted. I may not be the best person...but I lived my life...I defined myself. And I really hope that I made an impact on those people...that I helped them feel like their life wasn't beeing wasted.

I wish I could apologize. I wish I could say hello. I wish I could tell people that I loved them, and still do. I wish I could completely remember the moments. I wish I wasn't hurting.

But if I could see them again...I might...fall apart...because...

_"I'm really sorry, Miku..." a girl with long pink hair draping over her shoulders stared at Miku with sympathetic eyes._

_Miku stared back at her visitor. "You didn't have to come back..." she said, though inside, she was very greatful._

_"I couldn't ever imagine this happening to me...please be strong. And know...I always remembered you. I hope you remembered me," the pink-haired girl said with a reassuring smile._

_Miku swallowed the guilt that rose up inside of her and threatened to force tears out. She weakly nodded. "I'll remember you until the end," she promised._

_Her next visitor entered with a tearstained face. Instead of saying anything, she burst into tears at the sight of her bed-ridden friend. "I-I'm s-so sorry!" she choked. "I...wish...our lives...had overlapped...more..." she said in between sobs._

_"Please don't cry," Miku said, tears filling her eyes as well at the sight of her friend's pain. "I'm okay, I promise."_

_The blonde-haired girl managed to calm herself enough to get another sentence out. "You were a really fun friend, Miku. I love you a lot," she said quietly, sniffing and wiping her face. She turned to leave so that the next visitor could have a turn._

_"Hey," a familiar blonde-haired boy walked over to Miku's side._

_"...Hey," she replied quietly._

_"I don't know if you still care about the friendship we had once," he said._

_"I do," Miku replied sincerely. "I still care about you."_

_The boy looked surprised, but smiled sadly. "I wish you the best," was all he said._

_"As do I," Miku said, nodding. "The very best."_

_After many other visitors had gone in and out of Miku's room, the one visitor Miku had been specifically waiting for arrived._

_The blue-haired boy arrived with a grin on his face. "I never got to ask you out, you know," he said._

_"Gee, that's all you care about, is it?" Miku asked, rolling her eyes._

_"Nah, but you know, you can't act like everything is set in stone. There's still time," the boy said, shrugging._

_Miku blinked, and the tears she had been holding back finally fell. "But it doesn't seem like it," she said, her voice wavering._

_"Hey, you have to finish living your life. If you don't want to finish living it, what's the point of crying over the future?"_

That was nearly five months ago. Since then...I've gotten depressed. I've been forgetting things. When I try to remember hardest is when they slip away, but suddenly now, when I don't want them, is when they all come flooding back. Yet, now...I don't feel so angry. I just don't want to fall apart.

_Even if I only have a little time left, I want to have lived my life._

_Even if I lose everything, I'll always know I lived my life._

_By the time you read this, I'll probably be dead._

_This is a future I cannot avoid._

_Three days._

* * *

**Not super great writing, but if you didn't guess or haven't heard the song, the story was inspired by Miku's song "From a Person Who Will Die in 3 Days." It's a touching song, but I don't think my story does it justice. I just wanted to get the idea into writing, so if you read it, thank you, and reviews are greatly appreciated.**


End file.
